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What is email marketing?
Basically, in plain English, email marketing is a targeted mass mailing done via email. The purpose of email marketing could be advertising in order to recruit new clients, introducing a new set of products or services to an existing client base, keeping your clients informed by means of a newsletter, etc. All of the before mentioned activities are very legitimate business efforts, as long as you respect some unwritten rules and as long as the list of emails you use is what is called 'targeted', in other words the names came from a database generated by your marketing division and represents your existing client base, a carefully selected list of potential prospects or a list of people who opted in to receive your messages.
If instead of the above you use a list that you bought (you know, "25 million guaranteed AOL email addresses for only 19.95 - plus shipping"), or are doing it without warning the people on your list, or using other shady methods, then you are considered a spammer and what you are sending is spam, bulk mail, unsolicited email, basically, the main enemy of all things virtue and life in general. Yes folks, it is that easy to be labeled as a spammer, and very hard to get out of it.
Once your message is considered unsolicited, you will immediately be put on zillions of black lists, side by side with those who promise inches and inches of extra extremities and hours and hours of ecstatic pleasures (for only 3 easy payments and some handling fees).
Sound pretty risky, so why bother?
Obviously, opt-in email advertising is far more cost effective than direct marketing via regular mail, door-to-door sales, or telemarketing. Paper, printing, envelopes, and postage can add up quickly. Door to door sales require paying out commissions. Telemarketing results in high long distance bills, often without great results, as people become more and more blood thirsty toward the people on the other end of the so called cold call.
So why not just use my personal email or my company's mail server and some mailing software?
In the early days of email marketing (that is, before the art of penile enlargement was crafted), that's exactly what people did. They would gather all their emails into some primitive version of a spreadsheet, fire up some mail merging program, hook it up to their corporate mail system and voila, thousands of emails were flying away.
Today, the scenario is certainly possible, but let me tell you in a simple set of scenarios what can happen:
One of the many not-for-profit groups that decided to police the internet will intercept that a large number of emails were generated and sent by a server near you (yep, they can do that). In order to protect the civilized world from those who spread spam, viruses and other vermin, they will put you on a list of threats to humanity. Those other nice corporate folks who were your indented recipients, have an IT department that gets constantly yelled at by angry users who get emails with naked people. Well - Mel, their IT guy decides to put up an anti-spam system that links to that not-for-profit's database of known spammers (oh yeah, did I mention you are now a 'known spammer'?) and block your emails. Your emails might actually be blocked so well that your company will have a real trouble communicating via email and your IT folks will all go nuts and/or get fired.
Basically, not so good. Other things that can happen are: you'll have to build some opt-in / opt-out system, in some states there are laws that require that you make it very easy for your audience to unsubscribe, you'll have a hard time formatting your emails in a decent, eye pleasing way, etc.
Lastly, the process of sending thousands of emails and managing lists, subscribing and unsubscribing people is tedious and just plain annoying. The only way to do it is with a maximum degree of automation, or, the better solution - to outsource to a company that does it professionally.
Folks, I am known for promoting the "do it in house" concept, and am not that big on outsourcing. But when it comes to mass mailing... I say stay away from it and let the professionals do what they do.
If you are worried about cost, know that the fee you pay for email marketing services, will still cost less than the continued overhead and expenses of the traditional options, not to mention the great possibilities of reaching a much larger audience, much faster (practically instantly).
What to look for in an email marketing company?
1. Automating Your Subscribe and Unsubscribe Requests
Many email marketing companies will provide you with exact HTML code you need to paste to your site to have a subscription form on your web site. The better services also provide a link at the bottom of each email that enables subscribers to update their information or unsubscribe from a list, automating everything for you.
2. Personalization of Emails
Another powerful feature of many email marketing services is the ability to use mail merge capabilities to personalize each email that you send. The better services allow to have custom fields, additional to the standard first name and last name.
3. Bounceback email handling
Bouncebacks are emails that are sent to email accounts that no longer exist or are full, blocked, etc. Essentially, you'll get a response stating that your message did not make it. All email list management software programs are able to manage subscribe and unsubscribe requests and send out messages, however without integrated bounceback email handling all the non-deliverable emails will be sent back to you, a rather big nuisance if your list is large. Ideally, the email software you use will be able to manage your bouncebacks for you. Whenever a bounceback is received, the software makes a note of the address and if another bounceback is received the email address will be sent to a list of dead addresses.
This remove capability is extremely important since if you continuously send out emails with many bouncebacks you may be blacklisted as a spammer. This is something you really want to avoid at all cost.
4. HTML email
The ability to send out HTML emails has been around for quite some time. Most email marketing companies support the ability to send out messages that include graphics and formatted text. This is surely something you'll want to look for.
However, not all of your users have the ability to view email messages in HTML format. This percentage is usually between 10-20%. Instead of seeing your aesthetically pleasing email they might see a string of meaningless code. Using most email list management programs, these 10-20% of users will open up emails from you and be very inclined to call you a spammer.
To avoid this, look for companies that use multi-part MIME to send out messages. When you send an HTML email in multi-part MIME, users who do not have the ability to view HTML messages will receive the email in the usual text format.
So who should you use?
Do your homework, read reviews, eventually, make use of a trial account and see if it fits your needs. I currently use Intellicontact (Owned by Broadwick Corporation, a company specialized in software that improves communication efficiency for businesses) - check them out at www.bsleek.com/emailmarketing - they do everything I told you about in this article, plus more.
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This article will tackle the cause of two pandemic forms of cancer, cancer of the prostate and colon cancer. Scientists have determined that prostate cancer is an epidemic so vast that nearly one autopsy in two of older men reveals the presence of this cancer. Fortunately, this cancer is usually so slow growing that most men die of other causes, even as the cancer grows slowly within the prostate gland. Yet deaths by prostate cancer and the debilitating effects of prostate surgery still affect thousands of families today. In addition, nonmalignant enlargement of the prostate afflicts millions of American men with such symptoms as painful and frequent urination. As a therapist who specializes in discovering the underlying causes of disease, I have discovered, once again, the reasons for this pandemic can be found in the cultural habits of our society.
First, let’s ask the obvious question: what is the prostate’s job in a healthy individual? Although prostate conditions including cancer usually show up as problems with urination, the prostate gland is mainly about sex. The prostate’s job is to mix sperm with its own liquid secretions to produce semen, then through contractions associated with male orgasm, it propels this semen into the penis. When I have worked with men who have any prostrate condition I nearly always find that these men feel subconsciously frustrated and often guilty about their sexual behavior. Each case has unique elements. Therefore I will not claim that it is always one particular feeling or trauma. But my experience is that it always is about sex.
One client feels guilty about years of being unfaithful to his wives. Another feels remorse over years of visiting prostitutes, and having meaningless sex. Still another feels badly that he had sex with a wife he didn’t really love. So far I have not met any man whose prostate is complaining because it didn’t get enough sex. While I can’t rule out this possibility, it seems that wasting of one’s procreative life force is the issue which is locked into the prostates of most of my clients. (Incidentally, I always use open ended questions, and never use direct suggestion or leading questions in my work with cancer patients in order to minimize the influence of my own beliefs on the subconscious minds of my clients. In addition, when I began this research, I had no clue as to what might be found in the prostates of my clients)
This discovery of loose sexual behavior among the vast majority of my prostate clients is consistent with the “sexual revolution” of the 1970s, in which sex went from being a form of recreation reserved exclusively for married couples, at least theoretically, to becoming a free for all. The Playboy philosophy, birth control, and the hippie and women’s lib movements combined to create unprecedented opportunities for men and women alike to spread their seeds to the four winds. While I too had the chance to celebrate and enjoy this new freedom, it is our prostate glands, concerned with such “obsolete” concepts as romantic love, families, and children that I have discovered are in rebellion among so many men today.
As a hypnotherapist it is my job to listen to this prostate gland in a way that the client has never done. Indeed most clients are shocked to discover this throwback to conservative values living inside their bodies. Sometimes tears of remorse, dedication to a new lifestyle, even acts of atonement performed for women can help heal this condition. At other times, committing oneself to seeking a loving partner, even to reaching out to ones lost or grown children has proved valuable. I really don’t know what my client’s prostate needs to heal itself ... but fortunately that prostate always does.
Another kind of cancer epidemic is colon cancer. Well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the why of this epidemic either. We know that the colon is the place where waste is produced, and the water we need is pulled out. I have occasionally found unprocessed waste emotions in the colon, including anger, of which the client is often in denial. One client of mine who suffered severe ulcerative colitis screamed at me in a purple faced rage “Damn it! I am NOT angry!!” when I attempted to point out, very politely, what I was feeling from him. Even residual traumas from toilet training can be found in there sometimes.
But the culturally common causes of colon cancer I have found is connected to the diet and lifestyle choices pursued by most Americans. All of these eating habits have been scientifically proven to have debilitating effects on the colon: large amounts of animal fat in the diet, too much melted cheese and white flour products, all of which stick like glue to the colon walls, where they rot and produce inflammation, too little vegetable fiber, including the raw roughage like lettuce and carrots that clean the colon like a bottle brush, and too little water. (okay, how many of you really drink the 8 glasses a day minimum recommended by doctors?) Also critically dangerous to the colon is our lifestyle choice of sitting for most of every day on our sedentary butts. Remember that as a species homo sapiens evolved to spend many hours every day in physical movement.
So any proposed solution to this epidemic requires a radical revision of our diet and lifestyle. Fortunately the services of a clinical nutritionist and hypnotherapist can be combined to make the transition to a healthy diet and lifestyle much easier. Hypnosis can help build motivation for exercise and can help strengthen our new dietary choices. It can also help uncover and heal the emotions that are stored in the colon. Combined with the latest in medical treatments, such methods offer far more promise for recovery than we could have hoped for 20 years ago.
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The source of human sexual fantasy is usually genitalia and accompanied by explicit visual or imaginary images. These fantasies are normal and considered to be very helpful in getting a quick penile arousal. Medically, sexual fantasies are considered healthy and play a significant part in maintaining a healthy sexual act. But sometimes, sexual fantasies can become a trouble some affair. This happens when the desire to perform sex with someone else or with some other objects rather than your partner increases. In that case one can suffer from acute sexual dysfunction while performing the act with their partner.
Sexual dysfunctions leads to sexual desire disorder, sexual arousal disorder or it may be orgasmic disorder. These disorders lead to failure of sexual activity with your partner. In many instances, it has been found that a problem of perfect penile erection is common. Males either cannot gain enough hard erection or cannot maintain a prolonged erection. At times this creates grave situations in one’s sexual life full of anxiety and depressions. This type of stigma creates problems in ones relationship. Levitra has been discovered to be a useful drug to combat such a case.
Testosterone regulates various sex drives in human beings and maintains our interest in sex. They are responsible for a penile erection by improving the rate of blood flow into the penis. To have a satisfying sex for both the sexual partners, it is a must that the male partner should have an erection. Without it the act of sex is of no use.
Levitra is one such drug that is prescribed basically for perfect penile erection. FDA trials have approved it for treating penile erection. Levitra increases the blood flow to human penis and improve an erection long enough for finishing a sex. It has been clinically proved that Men taking Levitra experienced harder erections and greater success during sex.
Levitra is available in 2.5mg, 5mg, and 10mg and 20 mg tablets and is taken only according to doctor’s prescription. Generally a dose a day is enough to give the required result. It is taken about 60mins before performing sex for it takes time to stimulate our testosterones.
If Levitra doesn’t work for the first time its better to talk to your doctor. Sometimes it could be a matter of adjusting the dose. But one thing one should always keep in mind that Levitra doesn’t cure sexual diseases.
The stigma attached to what some feel are dirty thoughts, ideas and feelings that they should not have if they are “normal”, causes fear and anxiety. Many feel ashamed at these thoughts. The guilt that they generate can often cause problems in a relationship especially where the fantasy is seen as a betrayal of a lover or partner’s trust. As a result it becomes harder to concentrate on their partner which leads to impotency. In such situation Levitra is a boon for these persons
Fantasy is quite normal. It is your private domain. Enjoy your imagination and do not feel guilty.
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The Portrait of: Mr. Augusto S. Moaio
The Mu-man
“The Mu-men, how did they get here?” asked Professor Eceptico-Espirtu, of the University of Lima (in Peru).
“How do you think,” said a youthful student named: Augusto S. Moaio, a wild looking flat faced undergraduate from one of the South Pacific Islands: adding, “they came on a damn ship from Saturn and some from Mercury, from its gigantic volcano area.”
It was the first day of classes for the students and so the Professor hesitated in correcting the young lad, and simply smiled reluctantly at him. Then after a—something shorter than a pause—he remarked, “That all seems a bit far fetched, like one of those Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, or Mr. Doyle’s “Lost World,” crap”; the class laughed and so the professor figured he’d string the new student along and listen like a good father would to a spoiled son, and then make a lesson out of him in front of the class.
“So it does,” responded the mad and impatient young man, with a receding hairline, and long ears; not long-long ears, but not normal size either. Matter of fact, the professor took a second look for he had not noticed them a moment ago being long at all.
Said the Professor [cynically] “Tell me Mr. Moaio just where these Mu-men came from in a more specific and detailed manner: and if possible, in chronological order, for we all seem so uninformed according to you; henceforward son, move on, give us a better grasp on this!” This was the normally way for the professor to scare off his challengers [or challenges] in class; that is, toss a little fun their way [belittle them if need be] make them sweat; thus, shutting down their stupid questions, or remarks, as he felt they were just annoyances, but he had to allow some inquiry.
Said Mr. Moaio with a smile [after a short consideration], or was it a sneer, it’s hard to determine, “They were already here long before the aliens arrived: the Mu-men that is.”
“You don’t need to clarify who we are discussing; you are all alive and I dare say, some undergraduates, and some graduate students, are you not; you all got cultured brains I hope, especially being in my class you better have.” The ‘not’ and ‘you’ had an inflection to it. “Carry on Augusto,” bellowed the professor.
[A little stiffly—he’s mad.] “As I was about to say,” the class all looking at the young tall man standing by his desk now, all twenty students with inquisitive eyes and wondering if this was a stage play or what. “…the primitive Mu-men were injected with a chromosome buster, they were evidently breaking and life expectancy was less than twenty-five years for them, and the aliens helped in this area, in particular, the Saturnites. This of course was the beginnings of the highbred Mu-men, whom were similar to our great apes or primates if you will, prior to their helpful technology.”
The professor now said [laconically]. “So are we getting a lesson on Evolution, Mr. Moaio?”
“Oh no just a chronological order of how they came to be and whom they were as you wanted Sir.”
“Carry on, carry on, young lad…” said the professor—wild-eyed—with distain in his countenance, adding: “and when did all this take place, since you seem to have hidden knowledge none of us have; dates give me dates, they got to someplace in that big head of yours.” Now the professor got another laugh from his students, as he predicted. But it didn’t seem to faze the new student.
“Well,” he said with thought through breathe, ‘it’s not all that simple, it really was a long trip, I mean it happened in stages….”
[A pause, as Augusto took a swallow.]
(The professor now leaned against his podium, putting his forearms down on its wooden side frame; his lecture was stopped for the most part and he knew it, which was originally on the 8th continent [Lemuria: which was to have stretched from Easter Island to Tahiti, to Fiji and onto Guam and beyond, and over to Hawaii]. He was going to explore the Maya culture and the Egyptian and try to mix it in with Lemuria. It was all lost now, the South Pacific per se was his domain to talk about, he had spent 26-years on Easter Island, during his summer breaks, and was always delighted to start his program out on the history of this area adding his exploits to the learning process, and this Augusto had just taken it away.)
Said the professor [emphatically], “Were you were about to say something Mr. Moaio?”
[Blinking.] “The Mu-men were once a great ape society, giants if you will (the professor quickly added, ‘Like King Kong I suppose?’ but Augusto just continued to talk without stopping). In consequence, they were given a Gravity-reinforcer, what you might call a membrane around a cell, but it was put around the chromosomes of the Mu-men, allowing their chromosomes to withstand their breakage so easily. And in time they were even given an additional chromosome. Again I repeat myself, allowing longer life for the Mu-men.
The collapsing of the chromosomes was the big fault the aliens from Mercury had concluded. Thereafter, their life span jumped up fifteen if not twenty-five years, and as time proceeded they would gain even a longer life span, once acquiring better eating habits, disease control, along with better hygiene. I do agree with you professor with the size of the continent, although it was a bit larger (the professor gave a limped smile).
The Mu-men were self producing, in essence, they kind of laid eggs in reproducing themselves. And by the continued aid from the two alien races, they acquired both sex organs, and started to cohabitate with humans. Actually capturing them and bringing them to their abodes as they felt a need to, or out of necessity for offspring that might be more humanoid like. As a result, the alien races decided to stop the so called experiment; of course to the disappointment of the Mu-men. Let me add, the Mu-men were now a distorted bunch of creatures: some with three eyes, and feet that looked like ducks so they could walk backwards or forwards, some even sideways. In addition, they had a small cranial, possible that of the Neanderthal, or even Homo erectus. But he or they did become a new species, and that was what they wanted.”
As Augusto stopped to catch his breathe, the professor noticed his brow ridges were pronounced over his eyes (he hadn’t noticed them before being so), it was as if he was of an old age; for he concluded, age, thickens the brows, and drops the jaw bone, thus he must be very old, but he was young looking in all fairness.
The Professor [losing confidence under Augusto’s stare] said, “Continue please,” digging his fingers into the wood of the podium stand.
[Cooley.] “Well,” he continued with a dry mouth, but steady voice, “they had little brains compared to us, one could say. But great was their supernatural willpower; that is to say, they could move objects unbelievable heavy. Things large cranes today could not move.”
[Suspiciously.] The professor looked up to the ceiling as if to stop Augusto from talking for a moment—showing a bit of world-weariness, and want to insert his two-cents worth, thus, saying as he lowered his head, “No, no, now do you really think we are to believe this, I mean, move what, show us, I mean point to an example so we can scientifically …”
[Augusto now interrupts. He rings off despondently.] “I was about to explain, if you will let me Professor [a pause, limited to a moment] the Mu-men moved great stones with the clap of an eye, how they acquired this ability was a mixture of their hybrid genetic breeding I would imagine. They were quite primitive you know, and had four arms at one time. And for your dates, I’d say it was 17,694 BC when they became completely a jawboned bipedal human, yet let me not forget to include for your information, they remained still linked to the ancestry of the two limbed Lotus Demon [of Mercury] now, they carried their blood through these developing stages of trying to become closer to the humanoid species. And then around 13,500 BC, the war started with Atlantis.”
“Honesty,” said the professor, “my gosh, now we got Atlantis in this so called thesis, and a two limbed demon, what next?”
Two limbed Lotus Demon
Said the professor with a speculative eye, “It seems to me you are grabbing at fragments of unwritten, mythological history, legends if you will, adding them to your recipe of anthropological gobbledygook, and with a slice of interplanetary jargon; and thinking we are to swallow it whole?”
Augusto (with a tortured mind trying to convince the professor ((magnanimously))—assured himself he’d give it one more try), “Professor [he said], a large object, possible several miles across struck the planet Mercury, this smashing into the planet caused immense waves of superheated vapor that rolled for hundreds of miles, killing everything in its path, thus the Mercurynites sought out another haven, earth. The impact was so devastating it caused a tidal wave sending millions of tons of dust and vapor into its atmosphere, which darkened a side of the planet; in a similar manner the very thing that took place on earth. The creatures of Mercury are in our blood.” Augusto had to imply the word ‘us,’ instead of ‘him,’ so as to not cause alarm.
Mercury’s Demise
At that very moment Augusto sat down in his chair, closed his eyes, and folded his hands [somewhat despairingly]. The Professor noticed now he had long finger nails—so the professor had just noticed—with a lofty high head of red hair, again something that just occurred to him, and his groin area bulged out as if he had an overgrown penis. All concerned, he was looking [He being: the Professor] at the rest of the class to see if they had noticed the transformation of this young student’s bodily configuration—and to no avail, they all seemed quite content to carry on with listening to the dialogue between the two, without an iota of any x-ray appearances taking place. Thus, he rubbed his eyes and wiped his glasses, but it was more than that. He tried to place this person into a gap of time, pre-historic epoch, relating him to mankind’s ancestors, like: Australopithecus, Homo Habilis or Home erectus, for he was shape changing in x-ray vision in front of him with such features, yet his height remained the same. Possibly he was seeing layers of this person, his ancestry layers, along with bazaar alien layers also, such as: skull, lower jaw, ribs, and vertebrae and limb fragments, ex-ray configurations. He was no paleontologist, but he knew what he saw in the fossil findings of early man, and he knew anatomy quite well. And he concluded he was witnessing 40,000-years in a moment’s time.
As Augusto closed his eyes, he held his hands against his frontal lobe, he chanted something beyond recognition, the professor could hear his heart beat, it was like the thumping of hoof beats—hoof beats coming louder and louder; the professor became speechless, almost as if in a trance. To break the silence the professor said, “It is all still a mystery; just, just a damn mystery…” but at the end of the last word the five story building started to shift off its concrete foundation, brick by brick it loosened and lift its home base—lifted up several inches from its groundwork. Then the young man opened his eyes, a flat look on his face, his teeth grinding, eyes bloodshot like a gorilla’s, a Great Ape’s.
Said the young man with a tarnished and rustic voice, one not quite like the Professor had heard a few minutes ago: “Mysteries are not meant to be completely sold for the price of curiosity, they all have a heavier price than one normally wants to pay, and should you wish to seek out all it has to offer, you will have to pay the price.” It was a statement not a question. It was as if the lad was giving the professor a choice of some kind (we also must remember the building is still standing several inches in the air and throughout the hallways and classrooms people are thinking an earthquake just took place and are running wildly about.) But let me continue with the shrewd professor—so he thinks he is.
“Mysteries, the mind, the why’s, they belong to people like me, who have studied all their life to seek them out; the layman knows not how to handle such things, it is the scientist who deserves the discovery.” The young man just looked [eagerly] at the professor as if he may get his wish. Then [breathlessly] crashing through the door was the Dean, he had ran from classroom to classroom, but when he came upon Professor EE’s room [as he was often called] he was stunned to see everyone still sitting calmly, and the professor at the podium still having a discussion, or so it looked like it to him.
“Are you mad Professor EE, get this classroom out of harms way, get them outside, we’re in the middle of an earthquake!” then he ran uncontrollably out of the room to warn the adjacent class. At that moment, that very moment, the class seemed to have gotten out of its fog and stumbled to the door, all left, but the professor and the young man, whom remained stationary in the same positions they had been for the past hour, with their ongoing dialogue.
“Ah!” said Augusto [fiercely], “there is a Mecca of possibilities Professor!” The professor knew beyond a doubt he was with some kind of ancient being; possible a shape-changer, things were too weird, the whole day was too eerie. The building now fell back roughly onto its foundation, but was still not stable, it was leaning, and some of floors and stairways had broken and sunk onto the lower floor; it would take a miracle to put it back into place; it would have to be rebuilt.
The Professor [astounded] asked, “Where are you from?” now having changed his style and tone of voice.
“From the third cataclysm of Atlantis and the one wherein Mu sank, and Atlantis survived; as it had twice before tasted near-extinction, calamities as you would have it. The forth cataclysm it sank completely, those who survived, were scattered around the world. The residue of Mu was scattered around the world likewise, I helped build the Gran Saposoa in the Amazon jungle, lost to humanity for 2000-years. I seen two Ice Ages come and go; I witnessed the warm airs of Europe pass over to North America when there was no Greenland to subdue it. I witnessed the Geological North Pole move from the Northwest Passage to where it is today. I was one of the first Chahopoyas natives. It’s been an interesting life to say the least.” A sneer again appeared on the professor’s face, Augusto knew he’d have to prove it, but should he it would have to be—aggravatingly. It was one thing to show his powers in levitation, another to say you were over 13,000-years old.
“Excuse me Professor,” said Augusto, “just how much proof do you want of me, to scornfully prove, the Mu-man lives on in me?” Now Augusto’s body became like an x-ray again, but with beams radiating from it. But the professor, arrogantly would not except this manifestation as proof he was as old as he claimed or personified in [with] his materializations; and Augusto could not go beyond this without harming himself, or for that matter, without returning to his old genetic half-human like species, the one he left behind so long ago; changeability was not on his menu like his grandfather’s before him: it would be his obliteration, he had chromosomes now that would never break, he could live possibly 20,000-years should he care for himself properly. (You could hear the fire engines, and the police cars now outside ((below)); the authorities wondering what had, and was taking place, while these two men remained standing in the same place, same position they had now for, let’s say an hour and a half. Then just as the professor began to laugh, a little stiffly he became, his bones were receptive to the new developments inside his skin; his chromosomes: his twenty-third lost its vitality—his face looked as it had gone mad, his chin drooping with old age, distorted; he was developing long lived hormones, he was separating from the Homo sapiens, more within the genera of Australopithecus, with features closer to the Neanderthal, thus he was becoming a living fossil, if you will: close to the looks of Homo erectus. His large brow ridges now rested over his eyes, made him look a thousand years old, a build-up of bone over the eye socks that were so pronounced he could not look straight up at the ceiling as he did before; his feet were like a ducks, he must had been nine feet tall now, with a three eyes, two new arms growing, facial distortions, worse than homo erectus; a primitive human species beyond his imagination, more like the Murcerynites. His brain capacity was lowered, he couldn’t think quickly, and when he did think and try to hold the thought, he forgot it even quicker, but he had a stronger will now, but didn’t know how to use it. He would soon find out, he couldn’t change his body back to how it was. Augusto had learned how to transform into another comatose body, and when that person died of old age, he’d shift into another. But this freak of nature, as the professor would soon be, would be subject to all the sciences the world had to offer. He would never have peace.
That is when Augusto stood up, walked out of his the classroom, never to return; for the shrewd professor could not speak a language anymore, just some sounds, gestures, and he became the talk of the decade, until he committed suicide.
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Games can take a bachelorette party from boring to fun. Depending on the theme and atmosphere of the bash, you can have either wholesome or sexy games. Read on for some ideas to help you make your choice.
Toilet paper dress contest. Split the guests into groups of three to four, and give them rolls of toilet paper. One of them will serve as the ‘model,’ while the rest will be ‘fashion designers.’ The objective is to dress the model as fashionably as possible using only toilet paper (no pins or sewing!). The group with the best-dressed model wins.
Scavenger Hunt. If you are holding the bachelorette party in a spacious house or a big garden, this is the perfect game. Cleverly hide prizes such as aromatherapy candles or spa treatment gift certificates in different places around the venue. Write down several clues on small pieces of paper – one clue should lead to another. Then, divide the girls into several teams groups and see who gets the ‘treasures.’
Pin the tail on the donkey, adult style. Make the bride-to-be and her guests blush with this mischievous game. You need a poster of a sexy male model in his underwear, and penis cutouts from magazines. Blindfold the bride, lead her in front of the poster, and spin her around. Ask her to pin the penis cutout and see where it lands! Make the guests take turns in this fun game.
Sculpture challenge. Buy some soft clay from the hardware or toy store and ask the each of the participants to mold a penis out of it. Whoever sculpts the best-looking penis wins this naughty game! Let the bride either sculpt or be the judge.
Consequence card game. If the bride and her guests are more adventurous, they will surely love this game, which is best played in a bar or hip restaurant. Purchase some readymade ‘consequence cards’ from specialty gift shops or make some yourself. A ‘challenge’ is written on each card – it can be as simple as having to get a man to buy drinks for the group, or as daring as lap dancing on a complete stranger. Let everyone pick a card and do the challenge. Anyone who quits has to pay a buck or two. This not only a fun game, but also a great way to raise money for more drinks.
